"I am the One and Only"

"Wanna hold you through the night"

Sat, 10 May 2008 12:49:44 GMT

Mn, I don't LJ muchly... even less so when I've been in a good mood. Anywho I'm at the start of a week's holiday from work so I hope some bloody pounds shift off'a me. We're nearly in the 18's now, wierd fucking situation heh. Methinks the bod's in shock so is struggling to let go. Bicycle crunches prolly don't help much though.

Been struggling with m'emotions and motions of late - both tending to leave a heavy brick lodged in m'lower innards most discomfortingly. M'well we go onwards, I say -onwards-. Not really expecting perfect contentment and harmony in all things but we can get as close as possible. Getting stronger, more in control and have fantabulous sex and affectionate love stuff going on.

America IS looming, pending, getting closer... the doom, DOOOOOM! Heh, I should watch some Zim again soon. Be cool if I could find some toys/t-shirt of him or GIR while over there but not really 'current' I guess. I'm keeping away from ebay in the main while getting a grasp of m'finances - I can do it if I try, -hard-. Must get better at imposing limits. Got a new account in the process of being sorted out, hope they don't bugger anything up heh.

Hmn, could really go for a Krispy Kreme right now heh - they opened one in Manchester - the naughty tempting cunts. Since tis a holiday for me I intend to have an indulgent (but moneywise budgeted for) day in town not being strict o'er my eating choices. I'm breaking my arse with dvds and biking and stuff atm and it gets me nowhere fast so sod it I can have a break. No taking the piss, no throwing up, no feeling guilty is allowed. If anything comes up I have to shake my head and tell it to piss off... or go do punches or something. Hehe, so much gets built up inside me, frustrated stuff from a hundred different things and I only get my 3-in-1's now and then as we unfortunately don't have the time together to do such everyday so substitutions must be called in from where we can find them.

Kitkat senses are nice things. Wonder, are they a yankee thing? They must have them at least if Japan does... preferably not green tea ones though, that was icky.

Mn, yes... nobody here and I'm sleepy-lonely with afterglows fading fast so. Ah well, shopping soon, a challenge on my purse. Forsooth, I must Prepare Myself.

Everything hurts!

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:33:42 GMT

Hmn, forgot I had a LJ for a few weeks methinks. Happy to report I'm still out of the twenties, 19st 4.5lbs as of last WI to be precise so look forward to slamming down into the 18's soon - oooh, undiscovered territory (well, since I was 16 or so at least, different body then though pre-Mickle and all so pretty damn new it will be overall).

Did get through Lent without chocolate or ebay... well sort of. Realised with about one week left to go that I'd still been sprinkling a little cocoa on my skinny capps at SB, oops... But we let that slide. I didn't break the scales-perversion yet but I still got my Hello Kitty teddy (will try and put a picture of it up... for noone to look at other'n T who seen it anyway... um *shrugs*).

Had a two week naughty period over easter and gained 2.5lbs but I've got over that hump for now and back on track for my new challenge things - aiming to get to 18st for 6 August 2008 - so hopefully 17st something for my birthday, that'd be nice.

Need to curb my spending somehow though, getting a little out of hand so must think up a system of sorts... or something *le sigh* I like buying stuff.

Still not booked or thoroughly planned the America holiday yet, must get to it soon so know the price to be able to budget my spending money savings. And everything else. Tis fairly certain (say 85%) that we're going at least so and vaguely know when and whereish so it's in mind.

Off to bed momentarily now, very tired from exercise yesterday (hense the -everything- hurting and worn out). Also last night was filled with wierd dreams of trains over water (from Digimon Frontiers, we watched one episode, I remember no names other than Tommy the crybaby), having an apparently shrunken (like 2inches long, dr who influenced) daughter/baby called either 'carolanne' or 'carolynn' - the dream kept looping most of the wee hours and the name changed - in the dream T kept telling me it was our daughter but I couldn't remember giving birth or anything, and I asked why she was so small and he told me 'it's because you forgot about her'... nice huh. And some other random stuff where my nan's living room seem to get inserted into the downstairs of my house and whatnot and I don't know what that was about... myes, hoping for a quiet blank and blissful slumber tonight indeed.

Less Hips, Hip Hooray!

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:26:40 GMT

I am out of the twenties as of today. I got here for all of three weeks last time before going off the rails. Don't go back to them again, future me! SOMETHING-TEEN sounds so much bloody better!

One hungry hungry hippo

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 10:44:23 GMT

Grrr, got up at 7.30am today (on a saturday) and decided not to bother with going back to sleep. WHY?! Had my breakfast earlier than planned and that's it now for another five hours or so ouuuuuchwaaaah. Will have to break out the pink lady apples I suppose. Or have biscuits in a bit, hmn, pointed biscuits though... hmn... decisions!

My afternoon out went very nicely, got new pjs - miffy ones and eeyore ones and got diet D&B sprayed all over the miffy ones within ten minutes of putting them on, buggerations *pouts*. Serves me right I guess. And also the Cadbury site doesn't seem to be selling the gift I was gonna get my Mum for the 'Mother's Day' next week - though they've still got it's picture on the home page under the banner 'Mother's Day 2 March'. Oh how they mock me.

Doing well on my Lent commitments those being (in order of choosing):

1) No chocolate, or chocolate flavoured/chocolate substitute things.
2) No ebay purchases/
3) No obsessive peeping at the scales.

Chocolate one has been alright, I was probably having too many biscuits and Core cakes to compensate but I've cut back this week hoping that'll make a difference. There's still three and a half weeks to go though! And probably an Easter Egg at the end of it, just a little one though... promise... kinda. Well definitely not a huge monster egg like the one I was half-tempted by last year. Think it was about a foot high easter egg with a six-pack of creme eggs! I would have shared it, honestly - with my love. I think we picked a big pack of Roses instead so not much better but that's what the coin-toss in the crowded Sainsburys aisle decided.

Ebay, yep still haven't faltered for a bit longer than lent actually. Picked this one as I went a bit mental over December and January with many many purchases that built up faster than I could keep track off so got in trouble with m'bank account. I have had a look randomly now and then but no bids and da kine and I took the site address out of my favourites as I'm lazy - having to type it in the address bar is more often than not too much 'effort' so I don't bother!

Scales-peepage. Hm, I -did- look at the scales last Sunday night before bed (I officially weigh myself on Monday mornings). Heh it's wierd you'd think chocolate would be harder to give up than hopping on and off the scales but I think it's because chocolate and ebay are mindless overindulgences whereas the scales things is a bit of a neurotic dependency worrying over the numbers. I'm getting better though as although things are going slowly things are -moving- downwards. Just at a little bit more leisurely a pace than I'd expect.

Heh, I know it's probably really boring just to go on about these sort of things all the time. Ah well, I only have one regular reader and they can skim o'er things at their fancy. They're mostly just looking to 'hear' my voice in type and for the odd rudey bit anyway I expect. He'll be here later so should get more'n a squeeze and a kiss.

Mn, for now will go find something else to do... I already cleaned up and The Bouya has tipped up again so methinks I'll go upstairs before I start pulling my hair out in frustration. Grrrrrr...rrrr....rrrr...*stomach gurgles*....r.

C'mon and yummy down on -this-

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 09:46:05 GMT

Urgh, sage tea is a bit much first thing in the morning. Heh, oh so susceptible to the suggestions of You Are What You Eat. I do -not- wanna be a cup of sage tea. Grande skinny cappuccino with cinnamon and a hint of chocolate is much much nicer (and is also what I'll be having this afternoon with the pregnant lady, yay!).

M'well, it took me about five months but I'm back in the weight loss saddle. It all went a bit hazy in the run up to Japan then after that it was a mix of half-started diet weeks, many more weeks of gobbling tunnock teacakes, creme eggs, more chocolate and just general processed crap that I don't particularly enjoy. I even unfortunately slipped back into the odd bit of bulimic purges so I knew when I got to that stage I had to sort myself out. It's bad for me and worse for m'love and I don't like upsetting him (plus having sick bounce -up- off the loo water and back at you is pretty darn miserable and disgusting, and the red eyes from straining/retching, cleaning up etc...). It's a bad thing, let's leave it at that.

I've joined one or two challenges via the WW board. One runs up to easter and the other has it's own MSN site now and will run for 8 weeks at a time and you keep resetting your goal every 8 weeks. The easter one I've kinda lost interest in as the person who runs it upset me a little with some unthoughtful advice about my eating habits (didn't help she's about 9 stone lighter than me, waifey bitch). But the 8 weeks challenge I'm really into. It's not really aiming for a specific event, it's ongoing and my weight and weight losses gets published on a table for all members to see so it's quite motivating to keep at it. I'm a goody goody who wants to look perfect lol. The other good bit is there's a few more people (including the woman who manages the challenge) who are more around my own weight so there's a bit more empathy there. They're a good bunch, even the tiny ones lol.

I've got another 2lbs to go before I get to where I was up to on my 'Metaphysical Pound Jar' picture showing my total loss from Nov '06 then all will be well, hoping I'll learn that it's frustrating having to lose what you've already lost and put on again is too annoying to do again. But then again, potentially off to the Beacon Ship for the Morbidly Obese towards the end of this year, that's right folks the old USA (hm, don't know why I went all cheesey there, and I keep thinking Beacon should be Bacon... oh dear). Methinks I might go a tad doolally there, it's really hard not to let holidays revolve around food. Though in Pittsburgh I don't think there's much hope for distraction unless we have a hotel with a swimming pool. New York will be a lot easier, Central Park and tall buildings to walk about, possibly even the Guggenheim or some other (correctly spelled) place of cultural interest.

Hmn, anywho, just felt that this thing needed a bit of an update to keep it ticking over (unlike some abandoned dusty LJs owned by other people and other people's fictional characters). I have cramps, possibly from the sage tea, so I shall get about my business for today and come back another time, hopefully still in a positive frame of mind.

(I'm on holiday right now and there's been a fair few things I could bitch about but I'm pushing it away for now, my head needs a good time for the next few days)

Until I grace this page again,

Farewell.

I've been back a while...

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 12:58:28 GMT

19 months, still busy, PTA! *shimmy*

Mn, filled in my Japan holiday journal fairly well and have been encouraged to type it up (possibly 'cause my handwriting slowly deteriorates the longer I spend scribbling away and is therefore, for the most part, illegible to the untrained eye). I haven't had chance or desire to re-read it for myself yet and I'm thinking it's best to wait until it's been a while anyway to get more out of it on the happy nostalgia front.

On the weight side I'm letting things slip a little, from staying in more or less the same place from around septemberish... christmas and boxes of roses and devil-may-care attitudings has probably gone a little -more- over the 'same place' so the new year, among other things best be getting back to shrinking - also m'back's been hurting with stiffness again so re-uptaking the yogacise habit is a good idea.

Therefore methinks I'll leave the Japan journalling until I'm another two stone lighter... by then only T will be interested in reading it anyway I expect so that'll be fine enough so. Also, I challenged myself on my DA page to conjour up some original characters so that's another thing to do. Lent should be giving up chocolate at least, would try fizzy drink also but that might be too difficult.

Hm, anyway, m'spinal area is being clawed at by buzzing nekojin and mostly filling this while I'm taking a break inbetween the penultimate and finale volumes of Deathnote. Review of the series may follow after concluding the reading of the manga and mayhaps the anime aswell. Almost finished the Rozen Maiden anime too, just the two ouverture episodes to watch. Watch this irratic space do... yes, I mean -you- *k's*

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end"

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:07:26 GMT

I have finally finished House of Leaves - hurrah! -And- have managed to complete my review of it while wincing with toothache, bodyaches, overheatedness and general fatigue. Hope it's juicy:

House of Leaves - by Mark Z. Danielewski.

I don't want to find out what the Z stands for, I randomly think now after typing. Nor what the Human Givens Centre in York is for, but that's another story...

As mentioned in the LJ of 7 July 2007 - I read the introduction of this book on 6 July 2007. I have now reached the end of it, on 14 October 2007. After 101 days. There's been a whole series of manga (Fruits Basket, which I don't want to review other than I liked it a lot and shed a tear or two along the way) read amidst that time, and a few other bits and pieces I'm sure. But the 'breaks' were rather necessary for me - House of Leaves has been a truly exhausting thing to get myself through.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy it. I did, I liked being challenged and pushed out of my usual familiar comfort zone with books. I read this at the computer, a fair few times in the bath, and it gnawed at my time like a sneaky time-eating demon.

To start with, as has become tradition (this being the Third in my series of within-an-LJ book reviews), I'll give my summary rating based on The Olde Scale of:

A) That was very good, it's finished now.
B) Aww it's finished, I wish it wasn't over.
C) It's finished, that was alright.
D) That was crap, I thought it'd get better by the ending.

It's a bit tricky this one - it's kinda middle-roading between A and C.

Towards A because it was an interestingly crafted story, rather (for me, awfully) complex and I enjoyed that it forced me to do my best to pull myself out of laziness. A sixteen-page chapter could take me over half an hour to get through. Having to jump about between Zampano pieces, Zampano footnotes, Truant footnotes etc tired me out but at the same time kept my eyes snapped open, looking for the next twist (of which there are many and some I probably missed completely).

The reason I'd say this also leaned to C was because the way the book ended was rather 'anticlimactic'. Or as T would put it 'Eh...?'.

I'm sure it was wonderfully crafted and planned out by Mr Danielewski but how I read it, if interpreted how I'd read a 'normal' book, it feels like everything was suddenly gathered up with the author suddenly deciding, to quote one of my favourite Peggisms, "skip to the end" and all is quickly sweeped up neatly leaving us with the candycorn ending. Even though there's the bit about 'ah, this looks like a happy ending but what about the eye patch and the missing X and the malignant soandso' (I try not to give away much of the story), it still kinda felt like the ending had been sold out. I was truly prepared for a completely different unended ending of the story, even though I suppose it wouldn't have fitted in with the comments about the Reston Interview, The Last Interview etc. I think I was hearing parts of Haunted in my head and conjuring up suitable images that just seemed to -fit- better with my expectations.

On that note, with all the struggle to keep up with the various threads and seams pulling this way and that through the story, I was also looking out for lyrics from the Poe album throughout the story - I saw nothing familiar. Though possibly 'tis maybe that I was looking for things in the voices of the songs but the voices heard in my head while reading were completely different. And this is sounding far too schizophrenical now, being that I only finished reading the letters from Truant's mother (P.?) within the last hour, the decoding of one prolly took up another hour of time.

*sighs* The book did make me feel incredibly dim and slow. But it also made me want to become better. So in that respect it has done me some good, I hope.

Needless to say, it truly did not remind me of anything else I have ever read. I think this is a double-edged thing too. To read what from my experience seems truly original is something to be pleased about. But having nothing else to relate it to possibly left me feeling a bit lost while reading through it.

Two scribbly notes I wrote while in the process of writing this review but haven't been able to fit them in:

****
Wanting to get past the 'wandering zampano' bits to read the -actual- Navidson Record story. Used to increase impatience for the tale plus pulling you out of it to make each twist impact more?

Truant story - waxed and waned in interest, mainly attention focussing on the Navidson story so eyes would flit thought truant and zampano babble alike not always digesting what was being said, revealed.
***

Though there was plenty of scenes (pretty much all part of the Navidson story) that 'got' to me, there was one scene in particular which produced from me the physical flinch-factor:

"Bones 'like bread sticks'... now jut out through the flesh."

I don't know if I will read this again but I would hope so, though likely not in my twenties. In my thirties in theory I'm meant to be busy with the ILTs (private) if me and T are still wanting each other. So maybe during the transitional phase between those two periods in my life - heh, though wanting to watch a tonne of anime then. We shall see.

T bought me a Cox's Orange Pippin apple so I could hear the seeds rattle (and taste it, of course) - such sweet and yummy romance. I am well-loved.

It's nearly time for Japan, 20.10.07 - setting off this Saturday arriving in Kyoto on Sunday. Worrying very muchly about money managing, when to take the contraceptive pill, plane/flights in general and also that I'll drive T insane and he won't like me anymore after that length of time of having me following him about all the time.

But really looking forward to having that much time together, finally using a passport, having been able to fund this all by myself (less any money I might borrow while away if any must-have items pop up) and going to a place that I never would have dreamed of going to if I stayed stuck, stagnating in my old not-really life pre December 2005. I want to see the floating gate and hold T's hand and smile happily.

My planned reads thus far for Japan - Black House (stephen king) - the talisman 'sequel', the first Thomas Covenant trilogy (stephen donaldson), Yes Man (danny wallace), Making Money (terry pratchett), and possibly the Principia Discordia book I bought T for his birthday. To learn more about the curvy Eris wench. And a few other bits and pieces.

Took a purity test today for idle time-passage. My result was 64.6 % on a 1000 question test (rather tedious). Thought I'd be lower'n that *shrugs*. I'm more than 50% innocent anywho, yay? Need to be to pull of cute sexiness occasionally.

I'm not mentioning dieting or exercise this time other than to say they shall not be mentioned here. There, done.

I have two kittens. I am insane but they are really cute (I think they love T more even though I give them the foodstuffs and clean up their crap). Kisa and Kyo - my nod to Furuba, which if goes well should last another 10-15 years... I must've loved the series huh, wonder what they wouldv'e been called if I'd read Dragonball first. Oh well, such is my feminine whimsy.

"Don't ask me why, I don't need a reason, I got my way, my own way"

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:44:41 GMT

*smiles gently* 497 days... can be also written as:

1 year, 4 months, 9 days
42,940,800 seconds
715,680 minutes
11,928 hours
71 weeks

Though of course, to quote a heart-pingy source "No one in your life is with you constantly". Not bodily, at least. The space apart pulls like a muscle, aches a little but feels good once it's done with.

Brr, I'm bloody cold. And listening to MOPE. Bounce-bop for warmth to the radiator controls prolly should.

I'm awf'ly childish. Not that I have any concrete worries or major problems to stress over. Definitely stuck with a Me, Me, Me syndrome with a not too constant but rather consistantly triggered urge to shout 'Look at ME' with madly blown-up petulance, the blood haze descending over m'eyes quite possibly literally masking the hazel.

Makes me wonder what m'Ki is looking like at those times, and what it looks like whenever I do manage a calm moment. There always seems to be something to worry about or be distracted by. I need more sleep and quality time methinks.

It's funny how much I reference and utilise bits from the anime and manga worlds now, Ki and all. Have absorbed what I can and am happy to be corrected and encouraged to learn more.

I am reading furuba manga, volume 4 today. Still struggling through HoL. It's becoming moreso a mission than a pleasure but the mission also being a pleasure in itself. It's good to push myself, which is what it feels like, climbing up through the complicated threads, propelling up with m'legs to a resting overhang where I get a chance to catch m'breath and be reabsorbed into the story. Footnotes are confusing. I'm nearly at chapter X and I think I've read it wrong - I've read the footnotes yeah but I'm not sure if I'm meant to look at bits at the back of the book too, exhibits or something. My brain doesn't like being forced out of linearness it seems, need a new mental handbrake so I can ease myself out of there.

I am going to Japan in 40 days (including today)... For some reason it feel's kinda sorta 'fake' to say that. It really doesn't seem real... I want to have a good time, I'm trying to make the decision to have that as my optimum selfish goal and not think/stress over all the other points. It's not wholly out of my hands of course but all I can do is keep moving forwards. 549 days anniversary, here we go. Gambarimasu!

(-no- spell/grammar checking done, living offa the impulses)

"Do what you want 'cause it's your own sky"

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 12:02:24 GMT

Because I couldn't wait to be 'minded how to do an LJ cut (or couldn't be arsed rifling through my Yah archive where T told me how to do it a while back)...

The Second of so-far-two-but-still-groundbreakingly-fab book reviews for LJ imputtage - Shadowing Jacky 'cross places I've never known.

The Talisman - Stephen King

We like...

We like it lots...

We love it long time!

Going back to the previous reviews method of book scorage (see below), this one definitely merited a B.

A) That was very good, it's finished now.
B) Aww it's finished, I wish it wasn't over.
C) It's finished, that was alright.
D) That was crap, I thought it'd get better by the ending.

I said I was going to read The Dark Half next, to follow on from Needful Things, it being set in the same place and all... for some reason I went elsewhere and picked this up instead.

I loved this. It was one of those rare fantasy world fiction works that I really got absorbed into - akin (for me personally, you may not think they were so great) the Narnia books (for an old old childhood favourite) and the Mordant's Need duo (a more recent also much enjoyed chronicle). When written well, the alternate worlds dipping into and out of theme really appeals to me, it's something I think I really believed in when I was small and it feels nice and tingly in a childish kinda way to be carried along with a character actually living that particular 'dream' (if you excuse the cornyness).

It didn't take me long to get hooked into this. I think I read about a chapter or two for the first couple of days then I was reading it whenever chance I got, even in taxi rides home from town risking travel sickness.

My opinions of people certainly went along with the main character, Jack Sawyer, most of the time. When he liked people, I did. When he got impatient with people, I could sympathise. When he was afraid of people, I was mentally egging him on to get out of the trouble. I also got involved in the emotions of it (RIP poor Wolf). The bad guys, though not the same level of just for the hell of it evil as Mr Gaunt from NT, sure were some right evil bastards. Though I spose y'could call Smokey of Oatley a no-excuse arsehole of a sadly-probably-true-to-life breed. Osmond/Sunlight is truly mental, I found him more scary as Sunlight in the ATs, nutty evangelical types not being my cup of tea. That said, pretty nasty way to go for the poor Kingsland transporter in the early stages of the story.

Sloat/Morgan... heh, I think I kept thinking to myself 'Oh that -bastard-!' every time he came back and I think that's pretty much fair enough. He was a bastard, in both worlds. Morgan of Orris of course had the -slight- not really excuse of a dead child but I don't think that was wholly why he was a little sod and then some. Sloat of course is the greedy american capitalist fatfucker type... *breathes*. Murdering plotting scumbag in either form so yeah, heh we'll stick to 'Oh that -bastard-!'

Jack obviously, being the main character, would probably win my vote for personal favourite. Poor lad went though it all for his mum in main, awness y'know. But also a major softspot for Wolf, big giant puppy-man-boy. Loveable in a maternally kinda way almost, thinking poor lad going from practically for him paradise to the smog-ridden lands of middle america (one can only judge from Jack's journey along the roads, I've never been though I'm told *takes old storyteller pose* by those in the know that there are -some- stretches of fields and woods and shit amongst the polluted-up traffic-laden bits). Richard... hmn, most of the way I thought for the love of loveable things (we'll give FFS a rest for now), stop being such a wimpyass thing. But again, softened a little after a while after acknowledging the mental fuckedupness he was going through. Heh, I'm not sure about the virusy bit - I half-pondered, because it said earlier Morgan of Orris was allergic to AT food, I thought the opposite might've been true of Richard - he didn't start getting sick until getting on the train after having food with Anders and Jack at the Depot. Hm, I'm almost tempted to say, be Speedy Parker the token black guy 'looking out for da 'kids' character of this book, like the chef in The Shining but nah... He played his part well enough.

It ended nicely and gradually once the drama was over, eased me gently and slowly off it thankfully. One I'd happily read a few times over and would have m'bouya/future bratlings read in their teens mayhaps. Looking forward to reading Black House, from the same world. Saving that one for m'holidays.

Next review - should (finally) be House of Leaves. I read the introduction last night, built itself up from the beginning has so hoping it lives up to first impressions but doesn't give -me- nightmares...

"There ain't no tits on the radio, oh no..."

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 11:57:03 GMT

Hm-mn-hmn m'well then...

I'm going to the pub today! But not to booze, oh no, but to unleash m'youngling into the mad world of some kinda Wacky Warehouse situation... And to buy me and my dad lunch, which'll be wierd. Hope I don't get any odd looks, ewness.

Feeling better with diet and exercise. 4 stone. We'll leave it there for talking about that stuff.

I've read The Talisman now (finished it about two weeks ago actually but I'm lazy with LJ'ings). Done another review for it which I'll either put on the end of here or stick on later as a separate LJ if I can't work out/remember/be told how to do the cut/linky thing that saves space. Supposed to be starting HoL finally... I've read the introduction (on wednesday night I think so 4 July). Not got round to any more but mbebe later. Watching Ranma or Ross Noble or reading Beta is being more enticing really. Ultra soon, oohness. Who is the new Him? And for that matter, the new him should really be a Her or i'fact a Hir if Nario wins... Hm, interesting.

Been feeling like I need to make more effort as a mummy thing so might go to wales for a weekend during these horrible six week holiday thingies (they were -nice- six week holiday things less than a decade a go... grrr). Not decided yet, won't be much fun being incommunicado from T for that long, specially since my phone is an idiot and his house is a fortress ag'inst my waves (of the radio variety or whatever mobiles use).

Mmyep. Not much else I want to mention right now, busy few hours soon with the going out stuff. Hope I get some interesting new WW thingies off Morrisons heh.

Putting that book review in another entry as I'm impatient to get it up and posted for m'darling's savouring.

Bai bai x

"Goin' down on a dream"

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 15:02:24 GMT

Hmn *scratches head* T just left about 15 minutes ago... lost and afloat at sea with cramps feelings (the cramps bit it literal at least still). Awness.

Nothing much to report on and the all-important -you- know I'm still alive, kicking, writhing etc but still, thought I'd think of something to ramble on.

Said on MS that I'd be moved to do a review of that Marilyn Manson album but really can't be bothered now, I've listened to it enough on here and the three songs I'd want to listen to have been dispatched and shuffled amongst the other 200-and-something songs I've managed to squidge onto my paltry 2GB MP3 player. Not that it's getting used much with the lack of walking to town of late...

Tsch, I dropped out of that diety zone, it's too hard to maintain indefinitely. It's also a real bitch to get back into again sensibly. Aiming to try again from Monday, see will. House is kinda low on food surpluses which doesn't help any. Try how we can and feel shall. Want a goddamn frappuccino from SB though, curses. Only put on around 3-4 though so still at about having lost 3st 7lbs which is better than nothing at all.

About 19 weeks or so to go for japan and 10 until m'birthday. I shall be - 23! 23 23 23! Eek, what will happen to me.... Can't see myself doing all that much for the birthday though, I'm annual leave miserly now after a couple of years of running out of holidays way too fast. Will at least have that day off.

We (me and T) went to the IMAX screen yesterday to see 300. I didn't go up to the ticket desk with him though, the cringe factor over the expense and guilt-feeling could of been physically damaging heh. It was... hmn, not bad. Not amazing but alright. Big giant nipples were a bit infuriating, catapulting breast movement during a sex scene on an 8 'storeys' high and 'three double-deckers' wide screen was a bit embarrassing and I'm sure I blushed in a charming maidenly fashion in the dark. And I did a fair bit of arm squeezing during the battles. I do -not- like leather posing pouches.

I've got lots of things which I can eat this weekend afore trying to get back to the healthy ways. Not sure what else I'll feel like doing. Got the latest book of Gunsmith Cats to read then it's done with until Mr Sonoda gets a wriggle on and does more... aw, the loss *heart thunks to her tummy*

Said I'll try starting Stephen King's The Talisman - I'll be reviewing that one like Needful Things too hopefully. Putting off House of Leaves again for a bit, not ready yet.

God I'm dreading the summer holidays, no rest from the demon spawn unless I'm working or bits of a weekend every fortnight. Love him dearly but darn I'll look like a zombie come September... sorry to spoil your birthday if so T heh.

*yawns* alright, really can't think of much else to witter about jus' yet. Sure if I just sat here with the screen open a little longer I'd conjure up -something-... but no energy, whatever I had left today has already seeped out.

*heads to the egres and trips on her way out*

But now you oughta know That this fool can no longer be swayed By the tools of your trade You gigolo

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 20:48:11 GMT

M'well well...

I should have done this last friday I think, that was a nice day. Work went easily most've last week and had babysitting for a night out cinema'ing and wagamama'ing and (also manga and food buying). Sunshine went to see (eventually, me thinking it was on at 5.10pm but actually not until 6.40pm. Oops on me), it was nae bad for that kinda film, not one for buying on dvd in my estimation, was like a tame sortof Event Horizon in a tilt-your-head-sideway-to-see-the-link kinda way.

I bought the first volume of Abenobashi (not looked at that yet), the first volume of the first version of Yu-Gi-Oh! Read all of that, it's gooood and I want MORE! And the fifth volume of Maison Ikkoku (got 1-4). Not read that yet as decided to restart with volume one first, a chapter or two afore bed kinda read it's being for the moment. It sends me to sleep safely and cheery feeling so that's good.

Got -my- music survey as nicked from the T's ichi-ban inu whatsit Lau, as already posted up by T with our -collaborative- extra scenes - I wrote the gratuitous ones, he picked out more melodramatic'uns. First LJ cut here goes:

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

**Extra scenes added, need some gratuitous nudity to bulk out this crappy plot...
*********************************************************************
Opening Credits:
The KKK Took My Baby Away - The Ramones

*smirks* A racial hate crime involving a child - well, scandal sells...
*********************************************************************
Waking Up:
Drain You (Live FMBotW album) - Nirvana

*sits bolt upright, pupils shrunken to tiny dots as the shock to the recently-slumbering brainstem hits*

And then, a romantic breakfast -

"Chew your meat for you
Pass it back and forth
In a passionate kiss
From my mouth to yours
'Cause I like you "
*********************************************************************
First Day of School:
Stutter - Elastica

Heh, nerves from earlier that morning seems, a lover's quarrel after one of us snaffled the last bit o'bacon wi'out sharing it with a snog *cringes* That would be really (I don't care how 'merican the word is) gross.

"Is there something you lack
When I'm flat on my back
Is there something that I can do for you? "
*********************************************************************
Falling in Love:
Teenager - Deftones

Aww, the awkwardness of youth.

"I climbed your arms
Then you pulled away
New cavity moved into
My heart today"
*********************************************************************
Brush with mortality scene:
Spam - Wierd Al Yankovic

*giggles in a girly, giddy laughing fashion* It -is- pretty vile stuff.
*********************************************************************
First Sex scene (adding some schpice!):
Running - No Doubt

*weeps* Not heard before, never seen it in my library afore, I only wanted, why oh why is it there to taint the first humpety bumpety scene, argh!

"Meeeeeeee
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most" - well, I'd say "Meeeeeeee"! certainement...
*********************************************************************
Bathroom scene (we also need schteeam!):
Souvenir - Korn
...
!
...
O-kay then.

"Melting to the madness
Hands up if you feel this
Anyone who has this..."
*********************************************************************
Fight Song:
Samayoi no Mori - Digimon Adventure 02 OST

Randomly thinking this sounds like Blind Assasin Mice creeping about trying to do each other in but being blind... heh too damn obscure and random but that's the point really.
*********************************************************************
Breaking Up:
Renholder - A Perfect Circle

*looks about her wondering why we're breaking up at the middle-eastern bizarre from Disney's Aladdin, "We could have just gone to Starbucks"*

*********************************************************************
Prom:
Being a Girl - Mansun

Heh, well yeah, it's a -prom- how girly girly can it get, what with the dancing and flouncey dresses and oooh aint I all preety.

"Being a girl
And my life never tasted sweeter
Oh, ho, ho"

*********************************************************************
Paranoia:
Going Down - Stone Roses

*prefers de-forestation in certain areas* It would appear...

(tsch this is too good a song and so cruel that it's popped up in this list and -isn't in a sex scene, grrr)

*********************************************************************
Life:
Stumblein - Smashing Pumpkins

You can tell I've aged - after the rocky punkyness start I've gone all mellowed out with m'life tunes.

"And no matter what they do
They can't get to you"
*********************************************************************
Mental Breakdown:
Somebody Told Me - The Killers

*rolls eyes*

"Well, somebody told me you had a boyfriend
Who looked like a girlfriend
That I had in February of last year"

Gender confusion, has pushed me over the edge.
*********************************************************************
Driving:
Safety Dance - Men With Hats

*groans* Dontcha just hate motherfucking roadworks.
*********************************************************************
Moonlit rooftop battle against the evil twin:
Sifting - Nirvana

Oh the drama heavy 'leccy guitar build up of this, y'can see the chi building, burning brilliant Devil's Red. Then comes the almighty taunting battle:

"Cross, self loss
Wouldn't it be fun?
Wet your bed
Wouldn't it be fun?
Some fear none
Wouldn't it be fun?"
*********************************************************************
Flashblack:
The Saga Begins - Wierd Al Yankovic

Argh argh, back to Tatooine, the pchu pchu pchu of the lazer cannons, the breathy scariness of The Vader guy, not again... oh right, it was just a movie, that wasn't -this- movie.

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

*sighs* Shame, this kinda sucks in places... ah well, it's all for the fan/s.

Although, today I got labelled by T's SW'addled friend Mr Y of being called Leia... hmn... no, no *shakes head* I could'nt live with the buns or do the bikini. Or live with Ewoks, they're cute but from a distance.
*********************************************************************
Moral dilemma:
Ricky - Wierd Al Yankovic

*grins* I'm being invaded by -The- Accordion King - sorry T!

*Being pushed to the -edge- by the latest squeeze*

"What a pity, don't you understand
That every day's a rerun,
And the laughter's always canned."
*********************************************************************
Getting Back Together:
Immortal - Kittie

Heavy mental instrumental. We needed to 'have it out with each other'... Heh hope it's a little gentler afterwards
*********************************************************************
Make-up sex scene ('cause y'know)
I Call Your Name (frank-mono mix) - Roxette

*giggles* That didn't work out too well.

"And I close the door behind me
And I turn the lights all down
There's no one there beside me
I call your name"
*********************************************************************
Wedding:
Terrible Lie - Nine Inch Nails

*cackles* oh dear this really is fated and created under ill-wishing stars.

"Why am I seething with this animosity?
[Hey God] I think you owe me a great big apology"

*shoves the groom's face into the wedding cake and sits on him until the twitching lessens*
*********************************************************************
Alien invasion:
Gekitotsu! - Digimon Adventure 02 OST

"Clash with" - T has translated the title as...

I'm sending in the Secret Service Agents as we listen to this catchy piece o'instrumental - Digimon is cool, so there.
*********************************************************************
Honeymoon Sex scene (as is customary):
Ask for Answers - Placebo

If y'pick and choose there's a fair few ero bits in there -

"Hanging on my lover's breath...Pictures of my lover's chest..."
"These bonds are shackle free
Wrapped in lust and lunacy"
*********************************************************************
Birth of Child:
Rusty the Skatemaker - Rasputina

Thank'ee Almighty Celloists for naming this child.

"She was born in an oil-drum South side of Chicago"

That taught me for not buying Travel Insurance, 'ey kids.
*********************************************************************
Final Sex scene (did not learn from the last scene):
Warthog - The Ramones

*cringes* Urgh, why did we not get an annulment? Dear inexistent Lord, WHY!?
*********************************************************************
Final Battle:
Get Off My Cloud - Flying Pickets (acapella)

Heh celestial mouth-off, am I dead already?

"Just 'cause you feel so good, do you have
To drive me out of my head?"
I said, Hey! You! Get off of my cloud"
*********************************************************************
Death Scene:
Westbound Sign - Green Day

"Punched out of the grind that punched her one too many times.
Is tragedy two thousand miles away?"

If the Afterlife is in California... urgh you'd be stuck swinging schroedingerlike between choices - kill yourself in misery or do your best to live forever. Or...
*********************************************************************
Ressurection Scene (muwahahaha):
Atom Bomb - Fluke

*maniacal laughter echoes out over the wasteland that was Earth*

There's no way I was staying in California, NO DAMN WAY!
*********************************************************************
End Credits:
Creature - Kidney Thieves

In the next life, after I've nuked the Earth and proclaimed myself Queen of the leftover mutated freaks, I'm gonna go kick some heavy metal asses, woo! Tune in next time folks...
*********************************************************************

Mn, what else doing with myself. Trying to control my hideous beastlette of a temper, mad jumpy short attention span and non-existant patience with all things. And also,

- To get on with the dieting. 3 stone 11lbs gone now, starting doing yoga again and doing the walk to town tomorrow in theory, easy gentle stuff.

- Save, save, SAVE up for japan things (and hopefully the Holy Grail iPodness I have craved for so long).

- Catch up with the one of two proper friends I have - Danyell. Sposed to be meeting on friday, tempted almost to book a half-day from work in the afternoon but we'll see.

- Be happy about one-yearness (2.5.07) but not meant to make a 'big deal' out of it for some reason *shrugs* don't see the harm in such if felt like it, it -doesn't- make it obligatory.

- Start House of Leaves -soon-. That's my next book to read, if I'm not in the mood then I'll read some of my stacked-up mangas first. I wanna get that read and nose at Only Revolutions next.

And that brings me to the possibly 'eagerly awaited' review of the last book I read:

Right, what I'd usually say about a book I've read.

A) That was very good, it's finished now.
B) Aww it's finished, I wish it wasn't over.
C) It's finished, that was alright.
D) That was crap, I thought it'd get better by the ending.

Heh, as a brief summation, we'll say this one fitted most closely to A, leaning a little down to B but really the story couldn't really have gone on much more.

I read SK books mostly in my mid-teens and have only really read The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon prior to this one in recent years so I can't compare it to too many other of his books accurately.

As completely mental plots go, it's a winner. The bad guy is cool and from what y'can tell from the little we know about him, he's one of the rare bad guys that is bad for the hell of it, not for some lame psychologically disturbing illness/post-traumatic stress etc. I couldn't really imagine what he was like in my head but I think that's alright. Like in the book, where all the characters of Castle Rock kept thinking he had different colour eyes and things, his unfixed appearance is simply part of his character. So him being more a menacing presense cast in shadow rather than a monster in plain light works for this.

My copy of the book has 790 pages. Gaunt gets stuck right into his 'crossing of wires' of the folks in town, first major incident happens about a third of the way through the book or so... And then that's it. It doesn't stop until you get to the end. It's brilliantly done but awfully knackering to read, you don't get time to catch your breath either but get carried along with Castle Rocks mental cloud making it really really hard to put down.

I didn't find any of the violence all that disturbing, which I suppose in itself might be disturbing. Even though when y'reading it you know that all the people are being duped there's a small part of ye kinda getting why they get so carried away and obsessive (at least I can). Though of course, I'm not about to go "thuck, thuck, thuck" anyone with a hammer or shoot them with poisoned bullets from an automatic. But as Polly and Norris know at the end, it isn't all Mr Gaunt's doing, part of them chose to see what they wanted to see and do the things they did so it's not all about the supernatural control element - human fault and greed etc is part of it too. To be honest, the though of the overweight middle-age pimply boobed women masturbating away over Elvis is more scary and stomach-upsetting than any of the killing spreeness. Each to their own, and some of those to be on their own behind locked and bolted doors with blackout curtains thank'ee very muchly.

Only thing I personally didn't find immensely appealing was the immense number of characters and their linked up back stories to keep track of. This is by no means a flaw of the story, it's just I'm bad at remembering things so I'd have to pause every so often to think 'huh, who's that again and who's their red-cloud nemesis again?'. Going back to The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon again - I found that one more absorbing as it had just the main central character and any side-ones were kept mostly -to the side-, and that book slipped closer to a 'B' category book than an 'A' like Needful Things.

Endingwise, heh me being soppy hearted and all I was hoping for a 'happy' ending, partly because I think that's just what I do but also the book would have been a bloody -tome- if it had to burn itself out to an evil triumps completely ending. But mayhaps I could've settled for an open-ended evil ending with the 'heroes' just buggering off outta there. I was a bit confused about Msr Pangborn suddenly sussing that he could use his tricks for real and all that, I think that happened a bit too flash-epithany like but it's alright, worked well enough.

All in all though, this was a good read and another good recommendation that I'll gladly re-read in a couple of years. Though possibly not very confidently aloud to T, too many words I'm not comfortable reading out loud and I can't do the accents heh.

Next of the SKs, I may try The Dark Half, which is another story based in the same town - Castle Rock. So I can learn about these 'sparrows'.

*pants* I think that's more'n enough info for today. It's kept me busy anywho - craving chocolate madly today, already had two funsize bags of buttons and a creme egg at breakfast/lunchtime. Made strawberry mousse with jelly, yoghurt and fresh strawberries though which filled me up a bit and was only 2 points for a whole jelly bowlful.

Off to do other things now, prolly just watching the Maison Ikkoku anime and being quietish, possibly guitar fiddling (they're both busted electric-wise for now until a competant soul has a look at them). Trying to work out the chords for the ending theme of Only Yesterday - "Ai wa Hana" - got a couple of them I think but need to listen to it more.

For now, Oyasumi, the Land of Journals...

*('scuse any spelling or grammer fucketyups, there's too much to check at this time of day)

"Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams"

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 16:04:10 GMT

*sighs*

Been ages and ages and a few more eras on top o'that since I've been moved to put an entry on here. Heh, seems whenever I do it's usually to complain. Guess can't be bothered with writing about being happy - If I am, the one who matters knows it anyhow.

Number's up and noose is prepped and ready for the dropping of this 'Diet Break'. It started off well enough for the first two weeks - I should have stopped there I think. Last two weeks have been pretty damn bad, including an unwelcome and upsetting guest appearance by the old 'friend' who we'll call Ms B.

*breathes*

Really really couldn't stop it. Didn't take any enjoyment out of it and it's too damn internal to talk about coherently anyway.

Anyway, sick of having to care about it. But will be restarting, or at least trying to, the diet tomorrow - probably having gone back a half-milestone at a loss of 3 stone instead of 3.5 stone, but short of chopping off a part of me, which T surely won't approve out, have accepted (painfully) that it's tough, 'tis how 'tis if y'overeat naughty things (but dammit they tasted -nice-).

Nothing cheery to say right now - did the same survey as T which I originally nicked from Lau - where she pinched it from, *shrugs* who knows? It filled a bit of time with the odd smile when something actually fitted in with the scene amusingly.

We keep being awfully lazy, not playing BB or WH40K much, going anywhere other than home outside working hours even less so. I don't know whether it's good for being comfy doing bugger all most've the time. Feel guilty that it's 'cause I'm sleepy or unfocussed all the time though, hoping to stave off the saying 'you could be doing this at home alpha are y'not bored' with reasoning T thinking along the lines of 'yeah I could do this stuff at alpha, but not in your company so tis fine'...

*smiles* Swings and roundabouts for my confidence in predicting such responses from The Almost All-Silent One. But stuck with rather mind-numbing (from my short perspective) work projectness he is so I should leave it be.

Was listening to Roxette but too many upbeat ones keep coming on randomly so mellowing to what little Per Gessle-only tracks I have that aren't top bristle-making ag'nst my brain.

Heh, yeah it's a bit sad being in a foul, foul depressive mood over weight, and even more pathetic to be avoiding things that could cheer me out of it. But I don't care. This is me. This is what I do sometimes. So eh, fuck itness.

I'll be alright soon, resilient brat I am.

"I just don't know what to do with myself"

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 11:44:20 GMT

Well it's been 17 days since I last wrote an LJ - something must've happened surely...

*winces* Well lots of crampings have happened and no monthlyness so I guess I'm stuck in a perpetual state of PMS.

And nowness, tired out, been sleeping pretty much awfully for a fair while again now. Ended up with the bedroom lamp on for most of last night and got up a fair few times. Have resorted to sleeping downstairs mostly when T is here, haven't done that on my own. For one, M (grr, that initial gets used too many places) might go looking for me and panic if I'm not in my room. And two, I'm not sure what would be more scary, being downstairs or upstairs on my own while someone tried to brake/broke in. Le sigh(ness), yes.

*gulps water* Hm, so dieting front doing okay even though I'm getting really fed up with it (as I would normally, if I'd manage to hang on to it this long). Have lost 3 stone 2lbs/ 44lbs in total now, 20lbs of those over the last 6 weeks... which is wierd as I've been doing less if any exercise of late. Gone off the exercise bike and long dvds and mostly stuck to walking and doing bits of the yoga one on workdays here and there. *shrugs* It seems to be working to shift weight, even though it's buggered up the whole internal workings probably. Ah well, can't have everything just yet.

Me and T went to see(oops, accidental rhyme)(*goes to find the right spellings of*)) "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead" at the Library Theatre. We got lucky and were sat in the almost empty left side seating and quite a bit of the action was on our side of the stage. Had some nice giggles, I didn't (or more likely, couldn't remember having) any prior knowledge of what it was about, never seen/read Hamlet and got lost on some of the words but I enjoyed it. Had T's arm round me for most of it too, which makes things all the nicer, like sandwich making and doing the washing up, like a mood yeast (or something)... mmmm. More soon.

Appeased my iPod cravings with a cheap 2GB MP3 player (and I mean -cheap-) and I'm quite pleased with it. Needs AAA batteries, about once a week changing, but that's okay and it's bubblegum pink (chosen purposefully, fun is). Struggled choosing the 213 songs I managed to -squeeze- onto it but having them on random I don't notice much missing.

Doing the Lent thing, no crisps and chocolate, it's the 12th day of it now I think. That's all I'll say about it -this- time. I'm okay with it now.

My brother's leaving home and moving a couple of streets away from me with a mate of his. Heh, wonder what the fallout's gonna be like.

(*Double-grrr*, thinking of another initial for bouya but just remembered what ML is so arghness). Bouya (right?) is being really greedy wanting to eat things all the time, need to try and stop him getting into that habit or he'll end up with my issues. He's 5 next week and he's getting mostly books off me. Not the most exciting things in the world but he's got plenty of toys already and will get things like that off a/h and my mum and dad undoubtedly. Been a bit up and down with bedtime, can normally get him to bed for 9 and he'll stay there, last three nights he's been here though, 1st he wouldn't sleep then came into my room around 2am, then he stayed in his own room, then last night I think he fell out of bed then came into my room an hour or so later. Hoping my disturbed feelings about nighttime aren't rubbing off too.

Mn, can't think of much more just now other'n the BloodBowl league is in full swing and I'm getting hammered and sulking a lot as to have been expected lol. You're doing well T and can be pleased with your winnings, I just struggle with losing things a lot is all, don't mean to take the enjoyment out of it.

That's it for de moment, I'm still tired and struggling to decide whether or not to force myself to exercise (-really- don't want to).

Until the next time it's quiet and I'm in front of the computer with an urge to fruck babble o'er here...

See -you-, x

"To look down from the clouds you don't need to fly"

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 08:02:24 GMT

Was just going to have "Tonight, some bitch is hassling me" as my title quote as have been listening to that recently (I Can Only Disappoint You - Mansun) but oops, that gives totally the wrong impression, sorry T!

I'm full of snotty phlegm in my sore sore throat. Therefore I don't have much to say for myself other than urrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh.

Off to Moss Side momentarily - these are NOT words that cause warming cheery feelers to hug my heart. I am the Anti-Social now when it comes to work matters especially. I have no desire whatsoever to see these people, even if by some miracle one of them happens to notice my shrinkage and pays due homage (because I'll more than likely dismiss any comments anyway to get them to piss off).

*sighs* negative iron filings aplenty heaped 'pon me today feels like. Ah well, we go down but the up will come back soon. I wrote a po'm at least, hey T... Mn, feels like my porridge breakfast might repeat on me soon while my stupid oesophagus tries to retch to get rid of greeny phlegm globules. Aw, bless.

Best get along, seeyas. Or more accurately, see -you- T, after work... urgh just made a snot bubble on my thumb.

*waves*

"To draw out the timid wild one"

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 14:11:47 GMT

*shakes head confusedly*

Just checked on that LJ I just posted and thought I'd typo'd "When you're strange, Faeces come out in the rain"... What does that say about my tired brain and what an interesting song that could've been!

*flops off*

"When you're strange, Faces come out of the rain"

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 14:02:06 GMT

*rubs eyes* It's ten to two in the afternoon and I've been up and about properly for about 15 minutes now. Feel ick, kinda like my mental state the other day - but a physical undercurrent of wrongness now heh. Fainty stomach churnings and stuff but I haven't eaten yet today so I'll go make something or other momentarily.

*yawns and shakes head* Feel like curling back under the duvet but the ladlette will be home in a bit so I best wake up a little for that, mayhaps a bath soon.

I didn't fall over on tuesday with the walk to town, but the adidas shoes have a penchant for my feet skins, lots and lots of blisters that was oh so tempted to pop to watch the drippyness fascinatedly, but after kicking the base of the wooden futon and impacting the kick smack on the biggest blister, that particular desire has waned considerably as it fucking huuurt!

Had a mini-squiff with T on Tuesday, I was stupid and I'm really sorry *grabs T when'er he comes by*. Let's leave it there (again, heh).

Positive being, I really liked Blood Bowl (*cringes* though that just made me thing of my battered blister 'cause that's what it looks like now, bowling off my foot and full of red and purple gunk - nasty!). Told ya I sucked at strategy but mostly T got lucky on my two close chances when I almost scored a touchdown. And the dice seemed to really hate me once we got to the second half - I think we need pink and purple ones personally for me mayhaps. I want to try and draw in the next and get a slim win in the next... eventually working up to crushing you mightily once I find my true team *cackles*.

Heh, don't think I've mentioned it -here-, but I still don't have a fringe or 'bangs' as of yet. Still a no-fringer, 10-11 years straight... soon though mayhaps I'll have instant eye shades/irritants, ponder on it we can.

Hmmn, the holiday so far - obviously the physical ick factor hasn't been great. Done one bad guitar recording and two with just singing, also bad but warming ups needed. My fingertips still feel tingly and in shock from playing guitar and I haven't even touched it today so need to work some callouses back on there.

Mn, really can't think of much more now with my floaty head so I'd best (carefully) get up and get some food.

*abruptly leaves*

"I'm not attracted to go-go deeper tonight"

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 23:31:02 GMT

Hmn, right tomorrow I will -not- fall over in the middle of town again! I have new shoes that must ensure this won't happen otherwise I should sue/curse Adidas - their sacred three stripe symbol should ward off nutty speeding little car drivers.

Headwise, I -think- I'm feeling good atm. Diet going well, general surrounding under control and running smoothly and got T tomorrow for two nights and a whole day... Oh the things we must get up to... Learning how to play a bloodthirsty strategy game for one... *wrinkles nose* Enthusiasm for violence I can do but thinking about strategy sure ain't -this- girl's strong point. Evidence to such fact being I've only ever won chess against T -twice- since I met him... I've got no patience for 'the long game', I'm a random button pusher by nature dammit.

Reading Mordant's Need - The Mirror of Her Dreams atm, rather absorbing it is indeed. Nice as apart from Fat (which was kinda thin storylinewise really) I haven't really read anything and -concentrated- on it fully for quite a while. It's tricky though, I'm having a bit of a burst wanting to do things and everything's fighting to be done at once - reading, guitaring, drawing... Heh, *grins*, my writing Muse still seems to be stubbornly hiding itself somewhere dusty and dank so none of that for now, eventually though...

With the I -think- I'm feeling okay, got a floaty unease kinda undercurrent too but I'm not entirely certain what it's relating to. Most likely linked to my 'limbo' feeling I've mentioned to T countless times - my life's happy and everything right now but there's a sense of stationaryness. Mostly weight-based - sadly the dieting be a 'long game' and indeed strategy orientated and every so often my brain wants to do a little tantrum about things. *shrugs* I dunno, forwardthinking try to be or at the very least, not thinking at all about it and enjoy the -now- (or more appropriate for -this- now, anticipating the tomorrow).

Mm *yawns* ah well, as indicated in m'subject quote, I'm not inclined to delve too much this evening so shall leave it there... *smiles* I should be more cheerful, I'm holiday girl right now tsch *goes to find suitable song to boost mood*

*waves and iTunes loads up*

"Dead as dead can be, my doctor tells me"

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 20:54:05 GMT

A mixed tote bag of goods and bads, highs and lows for this Lo...

Tuesday... started out positive being able to metaphorically stick my tongue out at a nurse person at the FP clinic as I'm getting a hang of myself and sorting out my weight and whatnot. Was going to bus it home from there as I'd got a lift in but I felt buoyant on the happy happy joy joys of contentment so decided to walk it home. That took 30 minutes. Then had the over eager idea to walk into town for lunch as was meeting T with his friend K to go to Wagamamas. In WW terms the walk would work out the same as doing my exercise dvds in about the same amount of time so thought aye, give it a go.

It took just under 80 minutes and would've been faster, 'cept about 10 minutes away from m'final destination of HH, I decided to be 'daring' and not wait for the benevolent Green Man to tell me it was safe for me to cross. A car came really fast round a blind corner and I had to try and 'run' to avoid being made into pulpy jam, slipped though and went skidding ouchily across evil stoney roadness and scraped up my leg and got general aches and painses. Didn't put me in the best state for meeting a new person, but it was a nice lunch and went as well as could be, I'm not much of a talker in person unless I'm really comfortable with someone, takes a while... And we all went and bought chocolate afterwards which is always a positive.

Mn, so since Tuesday I haven't done any exercise. Three days is the biggest gap I've had in exercise sessions in the past 3 months so it feels weird. Possibly contributing to me feeling rather down now. Got my T for four nights, and very nice they were too so I should be contented. I'm not though, bereftness kinda clinging on me now almost. *sighs* I've got my eleven day holiday starting tonight and I already want to fastforward to tuesday so I can see him again. He's out tonight, which is a rarity and I'm trying to suppress sulky jealous feelingses. Managing mostly but not finding all that much appealing to do to distract myself with until he gets home so I can say hey then g'night on here. Perfect Circling and writing this in the meanwhile, got a yoghurt thing in front of me that's been waiting for me to eat it for the past half hour or so.

Tomorrow, hopefully a more positive outlook. Will try and get a decent bit of unparanoia tainted sleep and got my WI in the morning. Have set myself a target of 4st off in the next 28 weeks and tomorrow is the first week done with of it, wanting a good start off point.

For things to do on my holiday, I'm going to attempt to get some guitaring done, really really terribly out of practise but shall attempt to get at least one cover song recorded on my comp by the end of the week. Audacity editing is thankfully time consuming. Also some drawing but I'm not sure what I fancy drawing, either a bit of doujin work or I might develop a new character I doodled on wednesday. Hee wednesday was good, work's comp systems got busted at about 11.30 so I spent from then til 4 watching dvds and stuff, mellow t'was.

Writing I haven't done for about a year so have very little faith that something might get squeezed out of my creative passages in that particular medium but y'never know. Talked with T about eventually sorting myself out a Deviant Art page all of my own so should get some material together. Need some bloody ridiculous AAAA batteries for my stylus to be able to use my graphics tablet again, frustrating is 'cause Photoshop takes up even more time enjoyably fast. Saving getting those with the next amazon splurge, couldn't find anywhere that sold them in town, useless place!

*yawns* I've got to glance through this now for error thingies as m'pedantic VIP boxseat holder may well comment on any such.

Think I'll take a mini-break and eat my yoghurt thing before wrapping up and whatnot though

*licks at the roof of her own mouth* Mm, that was rather nice, Muller strawberry shortcake thing. Trying to boost myself a little with some Per Gessle now, it's hard to resist. "Anyhow, Anyhow" methinks I'll be getting along with something or other, need to quieten the monster yet then will see about mayhaps guitaring once peace is attained.

'Til the next time... I'll be around somewhere, doing some things...

"Ouch it won't reach my mouth"

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 11:13:15 GMT

Today... well it's only almost 11am so not much has happened thus far really...

Started off early and did an hour of Yoga... it's supposedly relaxing but some of it is pretty damn difficult, for me especially in the sorry state of fitness I am in. And urgh, Yogasweat, I think it's different to normal exercise sweat, mayhaps you get rid of more toxins with all the bending back and forth trying to get your head to meet your shins - madness tsch. It feels like work anyway and my back feels stronger if nothing else.

Went to the doctors as am wanting a moley thingie lobbed off, (yes yes, lots of lovely topics today). Been told it's a 'papilloma'... sounds like a musical yodelly name but i'fact it's an icky icky thing and must leave me! Waiting on a phone call for an appointment for t'knife, it's practise incase I need to go under the knife for anything else in future, start off small a centimeter at a time... Saw a locum doctor who was quite friendly thank fuck, I didn't have to see the evil witch that is my normal doctor, she was on holiday - In a bloody shithole I hope. Got some fairy valid reasons for hating her but among others everything I go to see her for is due to my weight apparently. Even if I'm trying to lose weight (which I most definitely am atm) she'll give me a huge dumb fucking lecture as if I'm oblivious to my state. *touches wood and grins at the thought* ah well, I hardly ever go there anyway, good constitution blessed with mostly.

Grr, and I'm gonna knacker myself out momentarily and do another lot of exercise, an hour with Davina's Power of 3, it's a bloody good job I don't live in a flat. And I expect somebody will end up ringing me while I'm halfway through as is Sod's Law. Hee, make people think I'm seedy when I answer the phone all panty and breathless with a "heeeeh, heeeeh, hello?"

Mn, after that going into town to meet T. Going to Starbucks for half an hour then I'm off to play the housewife role to go get myself some lunch from boots, go eat in the arndale then I'm off to do the shopping in Tesco/M&S. Mostly to buy things for T's sandwiches, but I want some sweet sweet um chocolate. Gonna get some creme eggs and chocolate buttons to share. Also wanted a treat calorie laden breakfast of cinnamon whirl danishes for wednesday. Mm, swirly sugar.

Got quite a busy week really, have indeed managed to keep T for four nights this week Monday to Thursday to do each other's bidding... yay! Hee, can just stick to yoga workouts for the duration of his stay, sod the dvd aerobics.

*wrinkles nose* alright, discipline needed, shall get to the running on the spot, squatting, leg raisy, upper body building, tummy scrunching torture overseen by the Big Brother woo-man.

*salutes*

"Get yourself an egg and beat it"

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 14:30:02 GMT

Hmmn, 'debut LJ' and I can't think of anything remotely worthy to say because I want my dinner and -soon- dammit.

Going to be trying to score possession for four nights of T, nice'll be if it's doable. Can look forward to eating Creme Eggs comfortably and t'ings. Nibble nibble.

I feel a bit floaty headed today, listening to Yoda now which is causing me to bob and sway absentmindedly like bobbing around in a liquid filled cushion. What liquid? Mn, tricky... Possibly strawberry flavoured and a little thicker than water but notso thick as syrup.

I've got three days of work to struggle through this week then I will have 11 days off from it. And that makes me feel fuzzy (amongst other things). Haven't made any plans for it - difficult to forge such things in these flogging times but mind resting be the main aim.

I have cooking to do -again- now. Not much of an introduction but the needs of the tummy have to win this round, the gurgles be feelable by hand (ohm, dear).